By Marenda Hughes Taylor

My dad died at age 50, July 2002 and since then Father’s Day has been bittersweet.

Instead of crying this year I have decided to celebrate Father’s day by giving props to my dad and all the dads like him.

I hope that maybe this will be encouraging and inspiring to fathers, to those that have issues with their fathers, for moms that make it difficult to be fathers, for dads that are failing at being fathers, and for those who are celebrating the memory of their fathers.

We often hear the saying “anybody can make a baby but it takes a man to take care of one.” My daddy’s name is Charles, which means: man, free man. He was an “O.G.” from Compton and a product of his environment but he lived up to his name. He was a man.

This morning I wracked my brain trying to think of a song commemorating dads but the few that came to mind just didn’t seem to fit. This made me wonder: why aren’t there more songs biggin’ up dads? Are dads not making a big enough impact on their children? Most of the songs I hear that mention dads talk about how dad was never there…

My parents divorced when I was 7 or 8 but my daddy was always just a phone call away, actually he lived next door to my grandmother (my moms mom, so I saw him all the time).

My dad took me to the movies, museums, amusement parks, restaurants, arcades, and bowling. We did a lot of things that didn’t cost money like playing Nintendo, watching Kung Fu Theater, flying kites, going swimming at parks and feeding the ducks. When my dad didn’t have a car we rode the bus, walked, or rode bikes. He spent quality time with me. He wasn’t rich and he didn’t always have money (its hard to get a job when you’re a convicted felon so you have to make ends meet however you can, and when you have kids in the hood that’s often by any means necessary).

When we think of fathers we think “provider.” My dad was not always able to provide financially but looking back I see how much he provided in other ways.

I learned the art of the “side hustle” and bartering from my dad. My dad’s garage was the neighborhood hang out. It was set up like a gameroom/gym/barbershop he always blasted the boom box (that was my introduction to hip hop). Everyone came to the garage for haircuts and to kick it. For those that didn’t necessarily have the money to pay for his services he charged them a bag of skittles or M&M’s, which he gave to us (his kids).

My dad provided examples of entrepreneurship and lessons in economics. I won’t really get into his main hustle but I will say that my dad supplied a demand. In watching my dad’s business deals, negotiations, and transactions, I not only learned street smarts, I also learned business savy and I too wanted to be an entrepreneur. He helped me set up my first business when I was 10, a bake sale in the front yard.

My daddy’s actions went with the philosophy of “Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime.” In demonstrating how to identify economic opportunities to provide for myself my daddy taught me to be independent and to think outside the box.

We look to fathers for leadership.

I never saw my daddy bow down to anyone. He always stood his ground no matter what. My dad was an exemplary leader. When I was a kid I could see the respect and reverence people had for him. Then I thought it was because my dad was also known for being ‘crazy.’ I know now that it was because he was leader and that he was actually “crazy like a fox.”

He was the oldest of 5. He was the head of his business (when he was in business). He started a popular lowrider car club. (Yes, my dad was ‘hittin switches’ in his Impala). He knew how to organize and manage. He was never afraid to buck the system or speak his mind. Because of his knowledge and wisdom people frequently came to him for advice. He was like a “Consigliere” to many. His leadership skills made an impression on me, I wanted to be a leader too. In the sixth grade I started the first drill team at my school and became the first black student body president (although I lived in Compton I went to school in Westwood). By the time I got to high school I had been an active member in many clubs, held many titles, won many awards, and served two terms as student body president my senior year.

Father’s give guidance and support.

When I got good grades on my report card my dad rewarded and encouraged me. When I was in the fifth grade I became fascinated with the ocean and thought I wanted to become an oceanographer. My dad got up extremely early in the morning and took me to Cabrillo beach in time for the tide so that I could research and investigate tide pools. He also took me to Marineland. He listened to me and supported my thoughts and ideas. He instilled the belief that I could be whatever I set my mind to.

We expect fathers to be selfless not selfish.

Some of the kids in our hood didn’t have dads for whatever reason. My dad took kids with us when we went places. He made sure that we shared our slip ‘n slide, kites, bikes, games, and gadgets with the neighborhood kids. At his funeral someone told me that if wasn’t for him they wouldn’t have had anything for Christmas. I use to see my dad give the mentally challenged man across the street soap, and toiletries. My dad got up early every morning and he would water the grass, shovel the dirt, shape the plants, work out, and then he would go walking collecting cans (not to recycle for himself) he would take the cans to a deaf and mute man that lived around the corner. My daddy taught me to be giving and caring. My dad was all about giving back to the community.

Before my daddy died he told be me not to be afraid and to learn everything that I can. Each day I face my fears and learn what I can.

Despite my dad’s plights and circumstances he was a great father. There are many just like him through out hoods in America. I wish them all a Happy Father’s Day. I hope that more will step up, be men, and fathers. Quality time and love make all the difference in the world!

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SOME IMPORTANT STATISTICS to consider from Fathersrights.org

* 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes

(Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)

* 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes

(Source: U.S- D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)

*85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from

fatherless

homes

(Source: Center for Disease Control)

*80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes

(Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p- 403-26, 1978

*71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes

(Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High

schools)

*75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from

fatherless homes

(Source: Rainbows For All God’s Children.)

*70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless

homes

(Source: U.S. Dept. of justice, special Report, Sept 1988)

These statistics translate to mean that children from a fatherless home

are:

*5 times more likely to commit suicide.

*32 times more likely to run away.

*20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders.

*14 times more likely to commit rape

*9 times more likely to drop out of high school.

*10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances.

*9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution

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Keeping Kids Safe on MySpace
By Scott Fish

There are a lot of teens who are using MySpace. Individuals over the age of 14 are eligible to use MySpace so as a result there are many teenagers who are members of the online MySpace community. These young members may appreciate the opportunity to express their creativity, express their feelings, meet new friends or stay in touch with their old friends but they should also be aware that there is the potential for danger on any Internet community. Making kids aware of this is helpful but there is also a certain degree of parental involvement which is necessary to keep kids safe when they are online.

Enforcing Household Internet Rules

Kids who use MySpace, or the Internet in general, should be restricted to a few household rules regarding Internet usage. Putting these rules in place can be very helpful in reducing the potential for danger. Some of the general Internet rules parents might consider are:

* Do not post full name and address online or even school location. This will help to prevent stalking which could become a problem if online predators know where your child lives or go to school.

* Restrict Internet usage to specific hours during the day. This can prevent overuse of the Internet.

* Do not agree to meet online friends in person without consent. Ideally the parents should also accompany their children on these meetings and should ensure the meetings take place in a well lit, public location such as a coffee shop as opposed to a secluded spot such as an individual’s home.

* Do not respond to threats or harassment. Kids should be taught to ignore this type of behavior and report these instances to parents or the Internet service provider instead of responding to the threats. Responding to threats or harassing messages can exacerbate a potentially harmful situation.

* Internet usage should be restricted to high traffic locations in the house. For example kids should only be allowed to use the Internet in computers which are in locations such as the family room or kitchen as opposed to allowing kids Internet access in their bedrooms.

Monitoring Online Interactions

Parents whose children have a MySpace account should monitor their child’s online interactions on a regular basis to ensure these interactions are not potentially harmful. Parents should be particularly concerned when children are interacting with older individuals who engage in activities which are not appropriate for the child’s age or when the children are interacting with those who might be a negative influence on the child.

Parents should also be aware that those their child is interacting with may not be honest about their identity. For example a parent may think it is harmless for their 15 year old daughter to engage in flirtatious banter with a 16 year old boy but there is the possibility that her online friend is really a much older individual. Parents should monitor these activities for suspicious behavior or suggestions of meeting in person.

Reviewing the Terms of Service

Finally, parents who want to keep their kid safe on MySpace should familiarize themselves with the online community as well as the terms of service and privacy policy. This will give the parents a better idea of the type of activities their children are engaging in and being exposed to as well as the safety precautions which are in place to help you protect your child.

Scott Fish is the owner of 401k Account Management |
Retirement Community

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